I found you, cousine...Yes. It hung there. Yes. Me stupid. I'm scared. You know. It's all that. You more insightful. I can't. Or I could, but, all the obvious reasons. I tried. Almost slid my mouth to yours (by the taxi, the third or was it fourth goodbye?). Did you catch the wink at the corner? I got your postcard about the hands... Did i understand? I think I did, but then... And your email. I never missed a day, by the way.
Thanks for using envelopes. That was a smart way. How did you manage to slip out that way and each day? You smart anyway. We always find a way, don't we. Hey, I always find a way to sit next to you, didn't you notice? No matter what, I keep trying to reassure, reassure. You okay? Listen, don't over-think, okay? wow, if only I were so great as you say, or see. You though... amazing. So dignified. Always were. That place on your neck; that is mine.
Remember I said I would count all of your freckles? You said It would take a lifetime... Remember that? Well, here we are. It's so many years later and I am still counting and we are now in the what, hundreds - thousands? Are you still counting my curls? You are. You hold them sometimes.
Funny about our eyes. Nobody else in the family. Ours match exact. It's odd, no? Changable too. When yours change, mine change to the exact same color. I need only look at you.
Yes, that day at the cafe. The "Oh shit" that I said. I am scared. Chicken. I don't want to. I do want to. Want you. Always did. Things now, more complicated. With you, with me. Still we... But if we... and if they... then it all will be lost and the cost, the cost.
I would do anything for you. I will not give you up. Never fear that. Never ever doubt my love for you. Always I tell you - cousins forever - at least that. But when i tell you, when we touch, when we do as we do, This could never be a sin - remember then? Remember back when? Remember confession (even though you part Jew and me full), how we sought absolution and I told you this, cousin, this, could never be wrong. So in each other, we sought and we found absolution. This was the true litany and shared only by two.
I want that back as much as you. I miss you. I miss you. Did you get that?
ton cousin - avec toutes.
